Mealtimes
by Synesti
Summary: When Simon switches her onto a new medication, the crew of Serenity find themselves with a very sick River. Desperate to find a way to make her feel better, the crew finds themselves becoming the caring family she never had. Contains all characters.
1. Introduction

**This story is on the same timeline as my other two stories "On Birds in the Black" and "Tea Party", though it isn't a sequel. I wanted to explore the crew's relationships, as well as get a feel for Simon and River's life pre-Academy.**

**Review and let me know what you think!**

* * *

River Tam was good at just about everything.

She could read Shakespeare when most children were learning their letters and composed eloquent letters of her own before she was tall enough to reach their mailbox. She was the best dancer in her dance class before her feet were big enough for dance shoes and could play the piano as though she wasn't trying ("It's just like math" she told a bemused, tone-deaf Simon). She corrected his math homework and designed her own science experiments in secret when bored at school.

Simon could only think of two things his sister had ever been bad at. She was bad at fitting the mold their parents made for them, and she was bad at eating.

The eating wasn't too bad at first. She'd be so absorbed in what she was doing that "I forgot, Simon. It's no big deal, you boob" or she'd get bored at those elaborate dinner parties and feign "an important project" or do something just shameful enough to get banished.

Simon fretted when she missed meals, which happened more often as River's boredom increased. He thought that their mother did too, but when Father banished River to the uninteresting spare room without meals to "think about her behavior" after a particularly trying incident involving the velocity of the crystal chandelier and two or three banana peels, their mother said nothing. His parents might have been delighted to have such a "gift" in their prodigy of a daughter, but they had no idea how to manage her.

* * *

Father said she'd be let out when she got some sense into her. His mother said to listen to his father. Simon listened to no one and after two days started sneaking her crackers under the door, pleading with her not to try Father's patience. She agreed, if nothing else but to keep from going mad in the small, dull space. After that, she behaved more manageably, dancing more and sneaking math problems into the dinner parties. But the eating didn't get better. Their father was swift to use missed meals as punishment for any "shameful behavior" (even things as slight as talking out of turn) and River acted indifferent to meals to make herself untouchable.

Simon could feel his parent's relief when River was accepted to the Academy. At last, they could do away with her trying behavior. She'd be their perfect little prodigy but far enough away to keep from getting underfoot.

* * *

Simon hugged her goodbye at the train station, handing her the lunch the servant had packed. "Here's your lunch. Eat it on the train, and don't skip meals at school!" he told her sternly.

She giggled. "You worry too much," and smiled at him. She looked so excited, but also so young, and he hugged her one more time. Their parents looked on impatiently, but he wasn't going to let them ruin his goodbye.

"No, I worry just enough," he whispered into her ear. He released her, trying to lighten the mood. "Now, promise me you won't be too busy being brilliant to write your poor, stupid brother."

"Right. My poor, stupid brother. We'd hoped he'd do such great things. It's the talk of the town, you know, that he's only a trauma surgeon in Capitol City. Poor boy. What could have been done?"

"Brat," he replied affectionately.

"Status quo." She turned to board the train then, and then turned back to look at him. "Simon?"

"Yeah?"

"I promise."

* * *

Little did he know how well she'd keep that promise. And when he half-carried, half-dragged the shard of a sister he was given back three years later and held her hand while she slept, he couldn't help but blink back tears at how damaged she was, how thin she had become. If he had known his parent's neglectful starving could have so easily been put to shame, he would have never let her go on that platform.

They went back to the beginning then. Her stomach was no longer adjusted to food, and they had to start small. First he brought her food and made her eat. Later, she joined them at the table. Even then she would get distracted, staring at the ceiling or mumbling to himself, and it was hard work watching her and counting each bite she took, trying to figure out whether to push for another or let her go. Eventually the crew warmed up to them, and he could count on the other members at the table to keep an eye on his sister. Wash would engage her in a cracker-eating competition in the Bridge, and between Kaylee's sweet pleading and Zoë's no-nonsense logic, someone could usually get an extra spoonful of protein or another piece of bread on River's plate.

So his mei-mei put some weight back on, and seemed to have slightly more energy. It lifted his spirits, but he truly didn't realize how much until that morning River didn't come up for breakfast.


	2. Inoculation

"Doc," Mal said uneasily, breaking the awkward silence that had occurred when everyone realized River was nowhere to be seen. "Where's that sister of yours?"

Simon put down his fork, and thickly swallowed a difficult bite of protein. "River's new medication is causing her to be somewhat ill. She asked me to let her stay in her bunk and get some rest. "

The Shepard pulled River's empty plate over to himself, preparing to load it with food. "Would she like some protein? Or perhaps a piece of bread? I'd be happy to take it down to her."

Simon smiled politely. "Not right now, I don't think her stomach has settled enough. She was sick about an hour ago. Thank you very much, though. We appreciate it." He really did appreciate the gesture, and he made note to consider the Shepard a possible ally if he found himself needing help.

"How long do ya think it'll last?" Kaylee asked, her forehead creased with worry. They had been prepped for River's medication change (the last one had resulted in a mishap with her sleepwalking into the bridge and nearly giving Wash a heart attack), but she didn't want to think of River being sick. A little spaced-out they could all deal with, working to create a safe cocoon, but there was little they could do for physical sickness.

"It shouldn't be more than a couple of days before she's fine. I'm hopeful that her stomach will calm down by tomorrow." Simon tried to convince himself to feel as sure as the words sounded. He was worried, but he didn't want to pass it on. River will be fine. It's just a little bit of gastric distress.

Those at the table nodded thoughtfully.

"It's my night to cook," Wash pointed out. "Is there anything I can make that will be easier for her?"

"Some bread might be good," Simon said after considering. Had they been at home, he would have had a thousand suggestions of bland, soothing food, but his options were limited these days.

"Yeah, make some bread. That'd be good." Jayne added eagerly.

"Mighty kind of you to be so concerned," Mal cut in dryly, not fooled.

"She ain't gonna eat a whole loaf by 'erself," Jayne informed his plate defensively.

* * *

Kaylee had gone down and sat with River for a few hours, and narrowly missed being thrown up on twice. Mostly she sat with River's head in her lap, telling the trembling, sweating girl any story she could think of. River drifted into an uneasy sleep, and Kaylee tucked her under the covers, sat at the foot of the bed and wished there was something more she could do.

* * *

When River woke back up, the butterfly was sitting by the bed, blooming concerned purple, worried purple that made the air sweat. The purple pointed itself at River, and found her open eyes.

"Hey, mei-mei."

"She's gone worried-purple. The girl is liquid, she is watery…"

Inara frowned, worried by the off-center gaze in the girl's eye. "It's okay, baby. I brought you a piece of bread. You need to eat this for me."

"She isn't hungry."

"I know you're not. But I don't want your stomach to get more upset if it's too empty. Besides, Wash made the bread and had to take the piece away from Jayne." The last part is teasing, and makes her try.

River sat up slowly, wincing, and half-slumped off the bed, leaning her shoulder into Inara for balance. The purple stained her shirt, and she focused on that as she took a bite out of the bread. It felt wrong in her mouth, but the purple retreated, and she finished the bread.

"That's my good girl," Inara said, tucking her back into the bed.

"She's thirsty."

Inara got her a glass of water and she drank greedily. "The River is evaporating, drying up. There will be dry ground, dust…"

"We're not going to let that happen, so don't worry about that."

"Cold. River's going to freeze."

The butterfly can see the mattress shiver, air shivers, and the purple cuts red and bleeds. "Oh, mei-mei. What are we going to do for you?"

* * *

Simon came in later, and found Inara lying on the bed next to River. "How's she doing?"

Inara sighed, sitting up carefully so as not to disturb the sleeping girl. "Not so good. I got her to eat the bread and drink some water, but she's struggling to keep it down and she's cold." She looked at him seriously. "Is this going to get better soon?"

Simon sat down on the edge of the bed gently. "It should start getting better soon. It takes awhile for someone to adjust to a new medication, but I really do think this will be better for her once she gets settled."

Inara nodded. "I trust that. I'm just worried about her."

"I know. And I appreciate it." He smiled.

"Ge-ge?" came a small, panicked-sounding voice.

"River?" Simon stood up, moving to River's side. He noticed within seconds that she was beginning to retch, and lifted her out of bed and over to the toilet.

It's quick but she's crying by the end of it, sobbing miserably as Simon sits her on the bed and wraps her in a blanket. He kisses her forehead and Inara runs her fingers through her hair, and when he's sure that she has her for the moment, he leaves, running down the halls like an elephant and coming back with a small bag.

* * *

He's blue he's blue, so blue and hard silver (scared silver [why did it have to be scared]) and the butterfly is crying inside, crying crying.

And Captain heard the commotion, and the sunbeam, both came down running…

The girl is shaking now, shaking, but the butterfly's got her in the blanket like it's a cocoon and she whispers "Is it practice?" but Captain Daddy is with ge-ge, organizing syringes and she's scared, so scared.

And she forces her way out of the blanket but Captain Daddy catches her and says "Woah there" all brown-worried, holding her as she sways until Kaylee gets her in a pink-blue pastel hug, cotton-candy hug and leads her back to the bed, bundles her back up except for one arm.

So she lies still except for the shaking, it isn't hers and the butterfly is saying "Come on mei-mei, look at me, it's okay" and Simon keeps saying he'll be there, 'just one more minute' and then the flurry goes still except for her.

Captain Daddy comes then and says "Can you look at me? No, don't look at it, look at me?" and he makes a silly face and she almost laughs except then she feels it.

But it's quick, and Simon is saying "Shh, shh…it's over…" and he kisses her forehead and all of a sudden she's done shaking, done crying and goes still and looks at him. And he says "Mei-mei?"

She says "Sleep now?" and he nods, almost crying. And then she says "Why?"

"This happens. It's adjustment. It'll be better tomorrow."

She tries to nod but she's dizzy already and is spiraling. And she looks at the butterfly and at the sunbeam and at Captain Daddy and says "Tired." Except in her head it's 'Thank you'.

She can see in their eyes that they heard.


	3. Remedy

**Next chapter! Please review and let me know what you think!**

* * *

He was right, the next morning was a little better.

River woke up a little after he came into her room to check on her, looking around with slightly-unfocused dark eyes. They were glassy, like marbles, but instead of rolling smoothly they skip around in disjointed saccades.

"Hey mei-mei," he said, sitting down next to her on the bed and stroking her hair until her eyes found there way to a button on his shirt. "How are you feeling?"

She stared just slightly past him for a moment before her gaze trickled to his. "Stomach is experience turbulence. Uncertain flight patterns."

"Yeah, I figured," he said gently. "Do you want to come up and try some breakfast? I'm sure everyone would be glad to see you."

"She isn't hungry," she said warily, "but this location is no better than any other."

He took that as a positive response, and helped her out of bed. She's unsteady as they walk, he has to help her up the stairs, and it's like he's teaching her to walk all over again, giving words of encouragement and catching her just before she falls.

When he gets her into her seat at the table Kaylee's already stirring protein at the stove and Zoë's sitting, big-bellied and looking into a cup of tea. It's thankfully peaceful, and Zoë smiles at them as River flops down.

"Hi River!" Kaylee half-squeals when she turns to look for the source of the footsteps. Her voice is bright, but her eyes are worried still from last night. Her mind's still caught on the shaking, crying, mad-escape-dash that was the girl until they got the medication into her, and she can't stop thinking about how there was nothing she could do to make things better.

River doesn't say anything back, instead staring vacantly into space.

"Would you like a cup of tea?" Zoë asks, her voice gentle. "I find it helped me settle my stomach some."

River gives only the slightest of nods but it's the closest thing to interest that she's shown for anything so far, so Simon leaps up and immediately goes to put the water on, mouthing a silent 'thank you' over his shoulder to Zoë.

* * *

They all gather at the table. River sits between Simon and Mal, the latter of whom takes the serving bowl and puts a scoop of protein and a scoop of cheap rice on her plate without asking.

"She isn't hungry."

"I know you ain't. But I'm your Captain, and I say you gotta take at least a bite of each. Sound fair?"

She stares into her tea instead of looking at him, but whispers "she will do her best" to the brown liquid.

"That's all anyone's asking for," Inara says gently.

River manages a bite of each, getting it down with a large swallow of tea, before asking if she can go lie down on the couch. Simon brings her tea to her and tucks her in with a blanket, and Zoë comes and sits with her for a spell where they both sip their tea and think separate thoughts. Zoë's worrying about the baby, wrapping green over tan over beige around her abdomen over and over like she's trying to keep the world out.

"She's happy," River whispers quietly. "It's warm and she's floating and it's peaceful."

Zoë smiles gratefully and puts her hand on her belly, as though trying to feel the turquoise humming that edges River's vision. "Your brother says it's just going to be another month or two."

"Scared?"

"A little uncertain."

River is quiet for a spell. "It will be okay."

The warrior feels a sense of peace at that, the green deepens. "Of course it will. We always come through okay in the end."

* * *

It doesn't feel okay when she's throwing up in the sink a few minutes later, Jayne calling for Simon as he tries to get the clean dishes out of her way. Her head has a nail in it and she thinks they're cutting her again so she screams when she feels Captain-Daddy trying to lead her to a chair and no, no, no don't touch me don't touch, no knives no she's sorry, sorry sorry.

And he says "River, mei-mei, it's just me!" and she feels the brown like a hug, blanket.

"Father?"

He's confused and tells her who he is, so she just says "Father never hugged anyway."

Simon gives her another shot, and as he tries to sooth her by tangling blue in her hair she bats her hands at butterflies and tells him not to be silver.

Butterflies, butterflies no she's not there. Yellow yellow they're yellow the butterfly isn't yellow. Serenity's a bug, little bug in the big black, keeps them safe. She never had a nightlight, Father said it was childish, but she never minded the dark.

Big white room with the chair and needles needles no! Make it stop!

But Simon's silver anyway and so instead she grabs his hand and doesn't let go until the butterflies leave and she can whisper that the air is empty.

* * *

River's asleep in the engine room, curled up in the hammock with Kaylee when Simon and Mal sit down at the table.

"Look, doc. Wash and I were talkin' and he says we could stop 'n' refuel tomorrow afternoon. Moon's called Russet, he says, and the town ain't quite Rim-planet spittle but it sure ain't Core finery neither. Figure it should be safe for you to go 'n' look around if you keep an eye out. Kaylee can take a quick look at some parts an' you and Shepard can go an' find somethin' for your sister to eat or something else to help her. He's a good hand with foodstuffs, so I figure he'd know how to gettit. Jayne can go as back-up, stretch his legs."

Simon nodded along with his speech, but seemed uncertain. "I probably shouldn't leave River with her feeling so unwell."

"We won't take long, maybe two or three hours. I saw the meds last night, so I can help her if she gets sick. It'll be a quick one."

Simon nodded. "It would be good to try to find something a little easier for her to keep down. Protein's sustaining, but it's tough on the stomach."

"Ain't never been easy on any of us," Mal agrees. "So it's a plan."

* * *

Simon has to carry River out of the engine room and can't get her to eat dinner. She watches as he gets silver, the edges hard and splintering, and he sleeps on her floor that night with his bag right next to him. They both nearly trip on it when she has to get up and dry-heave an hour or so later. She can't sleep then, so they lie on the bed together in the dark and he makes up stories for her just like he used to, inventing tales about a monkey named Jayne who wants to go to flight school.

She giggles once, sleepily, and he can feel her relax slowly and fall back into a fitful sleep and then joins her himself.


	4. Symptomatic

**Next chapter! Please review and let me know what you think!**

* * *

They touch down on Russet an hour or two after an exhausting breakfast. River's not so much uncooperative as she is just plain miserable, ranting nonsensically for a spell before going silent, her face pale and her arms trembling when she tries to lift her water glass. She won't touch the protein, and no one has the heart to fight her when she's in such a state. Simon manages to get a piece of left-over bread into her just to have it come back up in the sink when they begin their descent. Torn between risking her throwing up all over the ship and the very real possibility of her hurting herself trying to stand at the sink when they touch down, Kaylee fetched her an old parts bucket to hold while sitting on the couch.

Now that her stomach's as empty as the bucket, the nausea seems to be mercifully over and the bucket goes unused, instead overturned and used as a stool when Kaylee comes by to check on them after the landing. Mal and Wash come out of the Bridge and everyone gathers to go over the plan. River watches them watch her before turning glassy eyes to the ceiling.

"Now," Mal says confidently. "This is going to be a short stop. We don't have any sort of business here, an' I ain't plannin' on pickin' up any passengers. We're jus' here to refuel 'n' get some supplies." He turns to Simon. "Doc here's gonna go with the Shepard and look for some edibles an' any medical stuff they can get. There's supposed to be a halfway-decent clinic-shop in town." The two nod, and he turns to his mechanic who's all grease stains and eagerness. "Kaylee's goin' to be lookin' at parts. We're not lookin' for anything in particular, but Wash says prices tend to be good. Jayne will be goin' with her. Rest of us will be stayin' put. Questions?"

There's a whole lot of head shaking from everyone but River, who's staring into nothing and absently licking her dry lips from time to time. She doesn't seem too miserable, but it's disconcerting to see her this way.

"Anythin' I need to know?" Mal asks Simon, his eyes flicking between the siblings.

"The medicine bag's right here," Simon says, handing him the bag with the syringes. "Give her the sleeping one if she gets too sick or too worked up, and try to keep her from moving around too much, she might fall down if the dizziness doesn't improve." He pauses, looking at his sister, but River seems completely unaware of the conversation. "Besides that, try to get some water into her. I think she's getting quite dehydrated. If I can, I'm going to get some fluid bags at the shop, I'm afraid we might be needing them."

Mal looks at the bag and handles it carefully, setting it down next to Kaylee's bucket-stool.

"She doesn't want any," River pipes up.

"What's that, sweetie?" Kaylee asks her.

"Doesn't want any. Doesn't need any." River's eyes have come alive again, trained on the bag of syringes, and the look on her face is a mix of fear and determination.

"No one's gonna give you any, don't you worry none," Kaylee says. "Captain's just keepin' it for safe keepin' while Simon's off."

River focuses her eyes on Kaylee, and then looks away, going back to wherever it was she had been before. Kaylee's eyebrows go down and she looks worried, and squeezes the girl's shoulder gently before getting ready to depart to depart.

* * *

"River, sweetie, do you want some water?" Inara asks, standing from her chair to head to the kitchen nook.

River shakes her head, her hair a mess of tangles and cold sweat. The effort seems to make her dizzy, and she groans and holds her head.

Inara's forehead creases. "I think you'd feel a little better if you had some. What about a sip or two?"

River nods, and Inara gets her the glass, sitting down next to her on the couch. "You feeling any different? Anything we can do?"

River takes the glass from her, and dutifully takes a sip before setting it down. She lies down, her head in Inara's lap. "Tired. Just lie here."

Inara strokes River's hair, humming quietly. "When you're feeling a little better, will you show me how to draw a butterfly like the one you made me? I think my first one could use a friend."

River shivers, a quick shudder. "Friend. Will paint it green and gold."

"Sounds beautiful. Just like you."

"She's a mess." River sounds sad, reproachful even.

"She's sick, but she won't be forever. Simon says it will be better soon, right?" She reaches for River's glass. "How about another sip of water?"

* * *

She's underwater.

The ocean (sea, water [River?]) thins, draws away like a curtain as the butterfly shifts, fluttering something about 'business' and 'shuttle' and 'soon' as she moves water, moves water like it's silk and sets her down on the couch with the blanket.

She listens to the butterfly flap away, dress swishing like a breeze in willow trees (memory is old, faded [real?]) and stares up at the ceiling.

Should be still. Butterfly will come back, just a moment.

Time leaks, mercury through cheesecloth and is slippery. The warrior is napping, the baby twists and rotates and floats like a ship. Ship on turquoise water.

Captain-Daddy and the dinosaur are talking, orange and brown, she can hear them as much as see them. Butterfly is away, distracted lilac, attending to business (important, important, will be right back).

She reaches for Simon, but the reach snaps elastic, rubber band, and her head hurts. Mouth is dry. Dry riverbed, River-bed. They took all the water out of her, made her run for hours. Dry, dry River-bed, wouldn't give her any. Thirsty, hungry, dark maze. River-bed, River-in-a-bed.

No beds!

Up, up, up. Get up! They'll hurt, get up!

She sways, walking unsteadily against the steady floor. Floor has never betrayed her, no, good, solid, but now it's falling, shifting, earthquakes. She has to tell them, duck for cover, shelter the neck, fragile bones. Skull will break, pressure, falling metal, she can't she can't she can't the floor is moving STOP STOP STOP.

She half-crawls up the stairs (child, baby, she could barely crawl when they let her out NO NO NO) and then get's back to her feet.

Captain Daddy and the dinosaur turn to look at her. Brown and orange like rain, falling, crashing, ocean waves that nearly knock her over. They're concerned.

She sees their mouths move, can't hear them. Temporal lobe, auditory processing, short-circuit it's off can't. She can see the purple-red worried now, footsteps and searching but she can't hear it why can't she hear?

Serenity is rocking and she can't stand so she tilts and sways and gasps and her lips are so dry that they crack and there's blood, red, and the purple-red is coming up the stairs but she can't they took her in the bright, bright light and so she lets the dark come.

* * *

"River?"

Something's wrong.

She had wandered upstairs looking more lost than Mal had seen her since that day she climbed out of the cryo-chamber like a still-live corpse out of a casket.

"River?" Wash notices her first, or at least gets the word out first. "What are you doing up here? Is something wrong?"

She stares past them, a look of mild confusion and fear on her face, as though they aren't speaking the same language.

"River?" Mal can feel it in his gut. Something's wrong, and he's beginning to take slow, steady steps towards her. She moves, almost lurches, and he stops. She's swaying. "River, are you dizzy?"

She looks like she's trying to think of something, and he hears Inara coming up the stairs, frantically calling for River, who's swaying worse now, tilting and letting out a gasp that causes her lips to crack and bleed.

"River?" he says, stepping closer, not quite sure he expects a response by this point. Her face gets somehow paler and her eyes go up in her head and her knees buckle like a deer.

"River!" Inara shrieks, and Wash is fumbling for the 'com and cursing in Chinese.

Somehow he catches her, sinking to the ground with her and protecting her head. His knees jar into the flooring, but he can't manage to care, too busy looking for any signs of life in the girl who feels too much like a corpse.

Inara kneels down next to them, brushing the knotted curtain of hair away from her face. "River, mei-mei, wake up. You need to wake up, can you hear me?" she's whispering, but River's eyes stay closed.

"Kaylee, you gotta get Simon and get back here quick. River just fainted!" Wash yells into the 'com.

Kaylee crackles back immediately. "We'll be back soon! Is she alright?"

"Mal caught her, but we don't know," Wash turns to look at them over his shoulder. "She's still unconscious."

They can hear Simon now, his voice panicked. "River's what?!" and there's shuffling as he grabs the 'com. "What happened?"

"She fainted," Mal yells, his attention still on the girl sprawled on the floor. He's trying to find a pulse, catching it in her neck. It's rapid, fluttering like a little bird. "Not sure why, but she's still down. Her pulse ain't too good and she's shakin' like a leaf. How soon 'til you get here?"

Kaylee answers for him. "We'll be back in five."

"Should I move her?"

"Yes, that would be good. Try to get her to the couch if you can, and don't let her fall off." Simon's voice is coming unglued despite his attempts to remain calm. Mal notices his hands are shaking as he gathers up the girl in his lap. Wash is up and helping him, taking her by the legs, and they rush her down the stairs. Inara's setting up the couch, lining the floor with pillows in case she falls, and they set her down on the couch.

Zoë comes in, seeming at first confused and then alarmed as her eyes find the small form of the girl on the couch. "What's the commotion about…River? Wash, what happened?"

"She fainted," Inara says, kneeling down next to the couch and taking River's face in her hands. "Come on, baby, open your eyes for me!"

There's footsteps pounding up the stairs, and Simon comes running over to the couch. "Let me see her!" He crouches down next to Inara, grabbing his sister's wrist and counting her heartbeats, talking aloud to himself. "No sign of responsiveness, and her heart rate is about 110. That's not good."

Kaylee sprints up the stairs next, and Mal has to catch her by the shoulder to keep her from crowding in too close. "Oh, River!"

Simon's still running diagnostics. "I think she's severely dehydrated. We got some IV fluids, and I need to get them into her now!" He's lifting his sister up, and Mal's grabbed her legs, the other's running ahead to get the doors opened and the walkways cleared. It's hard, awkward work getting her down the stairs, but they get her into the exam chair.

Wash runs up to fetch Simon's bag, and Simon and Kaylee runs to help Jayne with the boxes and to grab the fluid bags. Inara holds either side of River's face, their foreheads pressed together while Inara whispers words of encouragement.

Mal grabs a sterilizing pad and begins preparing for a needle. He's seen this part enough times to do it in his dreams, put it somehow doesn't make it any easier when Simon runs back in holding the large sack of fluid, inserting the needle and taping the tube down onto her arm while Kaylee tries to help hold her still. River doesn't stir, and somehow that makes it all the worse.

Eventually the fluids drip-drip-drip into her arm, and Mal sits down heavily on the floor. He feels tired, too tired even to care when the Shepard brings his book, sits down in the chair in the corner, and begins to pray.


	5. Homeostasis

**Here's chapter five! **

**I'd really appreciate some feedback on this story, so please review and let me know how I'm doing!**

* * *

They all sit in the infirmary for what feels like hours. The bag of fluid becomes depleted, and Simon sets up another one.

"Captain," Zoë says in a whisper. "We need to go. It's going to look right suspicious if we hang around without doing anything, and we're too close to the Core for that to go unnoticed."

Mal nods back, and the two of them and Wash go upstairs. Jayne follows a few minutes afterwards, at a loss for anything he can do to help.

Inara still has her hands on River's face, though she's switched to pleading with the girl in a whisper that no one else can hear. Kaylee is holding River's hand, squeezing it and blinking back tears intermittently. River shows not a sign of stirring, her face as pale as ever. The shaking had stopped at some point, which almost makes it worse. The shaking meant she was alive. Now they have to wait for the shallow rise and fall of her chest to reassure themselves that she was still with them at all.

Kaylee eventually has to go tend to Serenity. The Shepard leaves to see if he can be of assistance elsewhere, bringing down two plates of reheated protein. Simon thanks him and eats ravenously, having failed to realize just how hungry he was. Never would he have imagined that day-old protein could taste so good, though he's not sure it ever will again.

When he finishes, putting the plate aside, he notices that Inara hasn't eaten. "Inara? Shepard brought you some dinner?"

"I'm alright, thank you," she says, her voice unsteady and afraid.

Simon isn't used to hearing her that way. He moves to her side, gently tugging on her elbow. "Go eat."

She complies, sitting cross-legged on the floor in a way that somehow still looked graceful and dignified. A few bites in, she notices that she too was starving and finishes the plate gratefully.

* * *

Simon slept in the infirmary. He didn't intend to fall asleep, but it happened at some point while sitting in the hard chair in the breaks between fluid bags and pulse-checks. It wasn't restful sleep, but he managed to nap for a few minutes at a time, waking with a start and rushing to his sister's side, stroking her hair and begging her to please, please just wake up for him.

He had just fallen back into a doze when he found himself jolted awake by the sound of footsteps. Struggling to force his eyes open, he found himself looking at the back of Wash's head and the back of the pilot's old, worn tee-shirt. The pilot stood over River's prone form for a moment, taking her hand and giving it a squeeze before kissing her forehead and whispering "Wake up, mei-mei". He then turned and left, not noticing Simon's cracked-open eyes.

It seems that no one on the boat could sleep, as Simon was woken from his doze by similar visitations from the rest of the crew. Shepard came and said a prayer, kneeling by the exam bed. Inara came and combed River's hair. Kaylee brought her favorite strawberry lotion that River often asked to borrow and held it up to River's face, whispering "Doesn't it smell shiny?" Mal brought an extra blanket and tucked it around the girl, giving her a firm order under his breath to get well soon. Zoë smoothed the blankets, singing a lullaby that was soft and sweet and made Simon ache in a strange way.

Even Jayne came some time just before morning, standing in the doorway of the infirmary for several minutes and watching as River breathed, his own breathing deep and slow (Simon would almost dare say soothing) until the footsteps took it away.

* * *

Kaylee was down as soon as she got the ship started up, her hair a mess and sleep in her eyes. He wakes at the sound of her footsteps, too groggy to really understand what's happening until she starts talking. "Breakfast's gonna be up in just a sec', Jayne's getting the protein ready. You feel like eatin' any?" Simon notices that she smells slightly like strawberries, and can see the residue on her hands. She must have been applying the lotion to give her hands something to do, she never was good at sitting still.

He rubs his forehead, he has a terrible headache coming on from the awkward position. He glances at his sister, noting that he'll need to replace her fluid bag soon. "I probably should, but…"

"Oh, I can stay with River!" she offers brightly, following her gze. "Jus' bring me down some, yeah?"

"Of course." He smiles at her. "Thank you for visiting River last night."

"You were awake? I thought you were sleepin'!" She seems both amused and alarmed.

"No, I woke up for a moment when you came in. The lotion was a nice idea. People can be more aware of things in her state than we realize, we talked about it in school."

"I know she likes it," Kaylee said, rubbing her hands together unconsciously, looking almost shy. "We both like the smell."

"Well, you do smell lovely."

She beams, all shyness forgotten. "Thanks! Now, go get some food, and don't forget mine!"

* * *

Kaylee's still smiling to herself when she goes to River's side, playing with her own hands. "Your brother ain't so bad sometimes, mei-mei," she says affectionately, taking the chair Simon had been in and pulling it flush with the bed. "Wonder if you could smell the lotion. Hope ya know we're all right here, waitin' to see you. Oh, River, I'm so scared…" Her hands go over her face as her voice breaks, and she smells them and tries to keep from crying.

Calming herself, she goes back to talking to the unconscious girl on the bed. "The Shepard and your ge-ge got some good food yesterday. Parts shop was closed up, so Jayne an' I went 'long. We got some rice an' some eggs an' some oatmeal mix for you. My ma taught me to make eggs, I'll show you like she showed me. Shepard got some apples, says you and I can have them when you're feelin' good. I got some candy too, I'd been savin' a bit of credits, figure you an' I'll have a picnic with it. Bring the eggs and apples, an' maybe your oatmeal. Think we have the stuff to make oatmeal cookies? I think we do, stuff's still there from my birthday. We'll have all sorta stuff! Doesn't that sound shiny?" River's motionless, and Kaylee's cheerfulness changes into despair. "Please, River, you gotta wake up." She leans her head forward, resting it on the bed with her forehead pressed up against River's side.

After what might have been ten minutes, she notices that something's wrong with River's breathing. She sits up so suddenly her back makes a noise and watches. River's breathing is shallow, too shallow, and sounds wrong. She reaches out one hand and touches the girl's forehead. It's too hot. Much too hot.

"Simon!" Kaylee yells. She can't find the words for anything else, and hopes that it's enough. She can hear loud footsteps above, but she's focused on trying to find a cloth to wet.

"What's wrong?" Mal calls down the staircase, just audible over the thumps of moving people.

"River's sick! Something's wrong!" She's found a cool cloth now, wetting it at the sink, and lays it on River's forehead. The girl shudders. "I know, I know, I'm so sorry!"

Simon rushes in, noting her labored breathing and flushed cheeks. He pulls the blankets off, beginning to talk aloud. "She's running a fever. She can't have caught anything from Russet, it hasn't been long enough. Must've been from Laers, her immune system is weak and she can't fight it off."

Laers was as border a moon as you can get without exiting gravitational pull, and nothing was clean. They'd been there for a job delivery just before the medication switch, giving the germs plenty of time to multiply in her weakening system.

He notices that Wash and Zoë were reaching the door and turns to them. "No, Zoë, you shouldn't come in. River's sick, and you shouldn't risk it with the baby."

Zoë nods seriously, backing away, Wash's arm around her shoulder. Mal slams his hand on the panel, closing the doors.

"What do you need us to do?" Inara asks.

"Kaylee's got the cloth. I need to get another bag of fluids rigged. Inara, get her out of her sweater, it's too heavy. Mal, get the fever reducers in the cabinet."

Inara begins the process of getting the over-sized sweater off the girl's limp body, pulling it up and over her head. Kaylee helps her, and as they free her of the heavy, sweat-damp fabric and Kaylee moves the cloth back to her forehead, River shivers and her eyes flutter open.

"River! River, baby, can you hear me?" Inara asks.

River's unresponsive, her eyes glazed over and her cheeks flushed in an otherwise pale face. Her head lolls to the side, and then she stiffens, shuddering and screaming.

The fluids are rigged, and Simon wets another cloth, wiping it over his sister's neck, over her free arm, across her face.

"Got the syringe!" Mal yells, and Simon and Inara have to lie across River to hold her steady enough for him to get the needle in her arm.

River is sobbing by this point. It's hard to understand what she's saying, but Mal hears something about flies and vultures. He gently strokes her hair, wishing she would just look at them. The syringe is empty, and he tosses it away, going back to stroking her hair and helping Kaylee keep her head still so she doesn't hurt her neck.

"Simon!"River sobs. "Simon, they're eating me, Simon…"

"You're safe, mei-mei. I'm right here." He's still pinning her down. "Can you look at me?"

"They're eating me, help me! No! Where are you?"

"Nothing's eatin' you. We're all right here," Kaylee says frantically, knowing it's futile. The girl can't hear them, locked in a strange place by fever and illness.

She loses wakefulness just as suddenly as the last time, her eyes rolling back and the spasms going still. Simon and Inara stop pinning her down, and Simon goes back to wiping away the sweat, his voice shaking. "That should keep the fever down for a couple hours, but it won't last. Someone's going to need to stay with her at all times. Whoever's here needs to be able to give the injection as soon as they notice her temperature going up."

Mal turns to look at the door. Wash and Zoë are still standing at the window, joined by the Shepard and Jayne. All four of them have a look of horror on their face.

"Simon," Kaylee starts, still holding the cloth to River's hot forehead. "Simon, I'll do everythin' I can, but I ain't a doctor."

"I know, but you can give a shot. I know all of you can. Just get the shot in, get a cloth on her forehead, and then come get me. As for her fluids, she can have a break for a while once this bag is done, but she'll need another one by noon."

"Understood." Mal rests his hand on Kaylee's shoulder. "Now, Doc looks like he's going to keel over any moment now, and Kaylee needs to go up and eat. I'll stay with." Simon looks ready to protest. "That's an order, doctor. Get some sleep."

"I have to take care of business, but I'll come back to join you," Inara promises

Mal nods, and sits heavily in the chair when they all clear out.

* * *

River's bag of fluid is empty now, and so Mal carefully detaches the tube, keeping the needle securely taped into her arm.

River stirs and cries out softly, a small heart-breaking sound that's not unlike the mew of a kitten. On a whim, Mal scoops up her frail form, holding her like a baby, and starts to tell her stories of his ma's cows and the chickens and the way drying hay smells in the summer.

His legs grow tired, so he changes her bed into a chair and sits, holding a cool cloth to her forehead and wincing at how thin she is. He continues rambling, and can only sigh in exasperation as he feels his own sleepless night catch up on him and he joins her in sleep.


	6. Delirium

**Next chapter! Please review to let me know what you think, and thank you to those who reviewed before!**

**Warning: This chapter contains mentions of parental nastiness. It's up to your own interpretation as to whether they're memories or just a dream. Let me know in your review!**

* * *

Inara comes downstairs some time later, and Mal wakes at the opening of the doorway. He's disoriented for a moment, trying to remember why he's sitting in the infirmary before he notices the burning warmth River's forehead against his chest and remembers the exhausting mess that has been the last few days.

"Tired?" Inara whispers, coming to sit down in the chair next to them.

"Yeah, didn't get a whole lotta sleep last night. Don't reckon any of us did."

Inara smiles. "I certainly didn't sleep well. I think I did better than Kaylee, though. She fell asleep at the table and I had to help her to her hammock."

Mal's eyes crinkle, though the smile gets lost before it quite makes it to his face. He'd seen the same thing enough times to know it wasn't serious. Kaylee slept as hard as she worked and with the same reckless enthusiasm as when eating. "What about the doctor?"

"He's dead to the world. Nearly didn't stay awake long enough to make it to his bunk. I don't suspect we'll be seeing him for a little bit." She smiles again, her tone light, but he can see the dark circles beneath her eyes.

"How are you doin'?"

She seems surprised by his question, but smiles warmly. "I'm managing, thank you for asking. Certainly doing better than her," she nods to the unconscious girl.

"She's getting' awful warm," Mal replies. "Thinkin' we should give 'er a shot 'fore it gets too bad. Is it time for a new fluid bag?"

"Should be a good time."

Mal stands carefully, adjusting to the pins and needles he feels in his feet while Inara changes the chair back into a bed. River stirs feebly as he sets her down, letting out a low moan.

Mal goes to get the new fluid bag first, and notices Inara hovering by his shoulder.

"Mal?"

"Yeah?"

"I…I'm no doctor," she says softly, echoing Kaylee's words earlier. "I've been paying attention to what Simon's been doing, but I've never done much of this…" She trails off, and he can see shame scrawled clearly all over her features.

"Don' worry none 'bout it," he says, trying to sound encouraging. He's not sure he's fully managing it, too busy focusing on the shallow, too-quick breathing of his youngest crewmate, but Inara's listening and he continues. "She's already got the needle in her arm, so you don' hafta worry 'bout that none. You jus' put it here on the stand and connect the tube." He hands the fluid bag to Inara, who sets it up.

"Alright, that's good. And now the fever reducer." She goes to the cabinet, and grabs the vial and syringe. "How much?"

"Jus' half a syringe-worth. She's too tiny to take any more."

She nods, and fills the syringe with steady hands, tapping it to get rid of the bubbles. It's quick, the needle is in River's arm and back out before she knows it. "That wasn't hard."

"See, nuthin' to it."

"I guess I just needed to do it for myself. If you want to check in with things up top, I can stay with her," she offers. "Just wash your hands well."

He nods, washes up, and leaves to check in with Wash.

* * *

_She's alone._

_Where? Where?_

_Alone._

* * *

Inara talks, reciting snatches of poetry and singing any song that comes to mind. She tells stories, both about herself and about anything else she can think of. She combs through River's mess of a hair, wipes the sweat away, and whispers words of encouragement in a voice near breaking and teases as though nothing is wrong in intervals.

"Please wake up, mei-mei," she whispers as she holds the girl's limp hand, focusing on the miraculous collection of veins showing through the girl's pale skin. "We're all so worried about you. Even Jayne's worried, though don't tell him I told you." She switches back into a happier voice. "He and I had to help that brother of yours to his bunk to get some sleep. Kaylee thought it was a laugh, but maybe that's because she was too tired. She fell asleep at the table you know. What are we going to do about them," she says, smiling.

She's quite for a moment, stroking River's hair, before continuing. "Well, we'll think of something, you and I, once we get up. Kaylee told me something about the two of you having a picnic and wanting to make cookies. Remember when we made cookies for her birthday? I had so much fun, even if Wash complained about the flour everywhere. He said it made it into his hair somehow. We'll have to warn him before we make this next batch because we'll be having too much fun to be keeping things clean."

* * *

_She's trapped in a room. It's all white, it would be white for miles except there are no miles for it reach. It's small, and white, so white it hurts and blank, blank like forever, blank like mirrors with no faces._

_It's the guest room, her prison cell, and the jailer walks up to the door. She hears his footprints. She can feel him.  
_

_"Father?"_

_Her father and says nothing, leaving without saying a word._

* * *

Simon reemerges from his coma sometime before dinner, stumbling out on unsteady legs and quickly downing a glass of water in the kitchen nook. He scarely stops to breathe, and Zoë looks at him with amusement. "Doing okay there, doctor?"

He nods, filling up the glass again. "Slept for too long, woke up with Rim-mouth." He swallows, and looks at her. "You're not feeling any sort of sickness, are you?"

"I wouldn't say you slept too long, you clearly needed it. And I'm perfectly fine. Worried, but that's natural."

"Is everyone else okay? No one feeling sick?"

"Everyone's fine. Inara's with River, Mal and Wash are up in the Bridge. Shepard's making himself useful doing some laundry, and Jayne's being Jayne."

"Where's Kaylee?"

"She fell asleep at the table while eating breakfast soon after we got you to bed. She's in her hammock now."

Simon nodded. "I need to go see River."

He arrives downstairs soon after, washing his hands immediately upon arrival while speaking to Inara. "How is she doing?"

"Feverish, but not too bad. She keeps mumbling, though, and seems scared sometimes."

He makes a worried face and strokes his sister's hair. "She's probably having fever dreams. She had a habit of getting pretty strange ones when we were children, and she was no stranger to fevers." He takes his sister's pulse expertly, frowning at its elevation. "Mother and Father weren't interested in the child-minding part of children, so when we were sick, we were left to the servants. Our family had everything we could want for supplies when we were sick, but the servants didn't exactly have all the time in the world to dedicate to us either, so I ended up 'Doctor Simon' pretty early on. It was all fun and games unless I had to give her something for chest congestion, she always hated that." He smiles at the memory, but it's tinged with sadness.

"I'm sure you were wonderful."

"I had no choice but to be. It was that or wait for someone to have enough time to care, and in a house as big as ours you could find yourself waiting for a very long time." He shakes his head, trying to clear the memories. "It certainly was good practice, though." He fixes a crumpled smile on his face. "I guess I have that to be grateful for."

* * *

_Her mother comes to stand outside the door next, feigning helplessness with the keys in her hand. _

_"Mother, please…"_

_Her mother makes a noise of disapproval. River feels the exasperation, the latent fury. "Don't whine, River. What have I told you about this?"_

_"Please…" her eyes fill with tears._

_"What did I tell you about this? You ruined it! You always ruin things! Calculating the mass and volumes of your father's coworker and wife and telling them over dessert? You're supposed to be smart! How could you be so foolish?" Her mother begins to walk away, muttering "I don't know why we bother sometimes."_

* * *

They divide the nights into shifts, with the exception of Zoë and Wash. The latter protests not being included, but Zoë shushes him and inquires to if he would like to be the one who would have to sanitize the bunk every time he went back and forth.

The Shepard agrees to sit with River immediately following dinner, with Simon taking over at day-cycle equivalent of midnight and Jayne at around four.

It's still throughout the Shepard's shift, he prays softly and reads sections of his book to the small girl. His voice is calm and soothing, but his mind is in turmoil with concern and a desperate desire to help.

Simon's shift is equally calm. He refills the fluid and doses River with fever reducers at the beginning and the end, hoping to avoid having to trust Jayne-the-ape with a needle. Once out of things to do, he begins to sanitize everything, murmuring to himself.

He stops when he hears River mumbling, going immediately to her side. "Simon, I'm sorry…"

"River?" He holds his sister's hand. "River, it's okay. Please wake, River. No one's mad at you, meimei."

* * *

_She reaches her hand under the crack in the door, her fingertips brushing Simon's._

_"He'll let you out soon, I know he will," Simon whispers, his voice young and worried. They can see each other's eyes under the crack. His hand feels too cold, and she knows she has a temperature._

_"Ge-ge, I'm sick."_

_She can see his visible eye narrow, and the touch of his hand leaves. "I'll get Father."_

* * *

Jayne settles down in the chair, grumbling complaints as he rubs his eyes. "Gorramit girl, wake up. I got better things to do than to watch you sleep when I ought to be sleepin' myself."

The girl shows no sign of hearing him. He watches her carefully. Despite all the sleep she's been getting, the dark circles under her eyes are only getting worse. She's too thin, and he feels a strange pain inside him. His Mama had been sick once, bad sick like this.

"Gorramit Moonbrain…"

* * *

_Simon has brought Father. Father's angry._

_She's seen this before._

_No Simon! No!_

* * *

Jayne looks up as River begins to stir, her breath coming faster as she begins to thrash. He gets up, going to stand next to the girl. "Girlie, what's goin' on. You goin' hare-brained on me? Cause I do not have the calm for this."

* * *

_She's wrong. It's not the room. She's back._

_The doctor opens the door, and comes in. Blue hands, latex. Two by two._

_NO NO NO._

_The man at his side (white gloves, not safe but not blue, not blue) takes the needle, lines it up with her forehead. Sharp pain headache. _

_SHE DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS._

* * *

"NO!" She starts struggling, clawing at her face. Her head collides sharply with the tray table nearby.

"Gorramit! Doctor, your sister's gone right nutty!"

* * *

_The doctor reaches up, peels off his face. It's Father._

_"Father? Why?" She tries to pull away as he comes closer. "Father?" She sobbing, the needle still in her head, twisting. "Father!"_

* * *

Jayne kicks the panel to get the door open, yelling loud enough to wake the dead. The girls flailing wildly now, nearly rolling off the bed, and he has to put his hands on her shoulder to hold her still.

* * *

_"I've had enough of your nonsense, River!" Her father's angry, Simon's standing in the hallway in horror._

_Her father grabs her shoulders, shaking her. She goes limp like a doll, but he doesn't stop. Eventually he drops her to the ground, crouching over her, his eyes full of rage, pressing her shoulders into the ground so hard that she cries out, wailing._

_Simon runs in, yelling, and their father turns to look at him with anger._

_NO NO NO._

_She flails, struggling with the hands that are so much stronger than her, trying to kick, something, anything, screaming "FATHER, STOP!"_

* * *

Moonbrain's screaming something about her father, and Simon's there, taking Jayne's place and rocking his damaged sister back and forth. "Shh…it's not happening, River, it's not happening. It's just a dream."

Jayne stands helplessly in the corner, unsure of what he should be doing. "She was yellin' about yer father?"

Simon looks at him over River's head. "I would appreciate it if you did not mention our parents around River." He doesn't look angry, just serious. "They weren't very good at handling the fact that she was so much smarter than them. Him especially."

Jayne nods. "Had issues with my own. Avoid callin' the ruttin' anythin' if I can." He seems perplexed for a moment that he said that aloud, but Simon nods.

River quiets down, and Simon lays her back down, still holding her hand. "Just a dream, meimei. We're home now. We're home."


	7. Leukocytes

**I'm sorry for the delay on this chapter. Truth is, I've been having trouble motivating myself to continue. I enjoy this story, and appreciate all the feedback I've gotten, but I really haven't felt that I've gotten much of a response. Add in some writers block, and the two make it really difficult to keep going.**

**That said, here we are, and please review and let me know what you think. It would mean a lot.**

Once Simon settles River down from her fever dream, he begins testing her blood oxygen levels by clamping a small sensor over the tip of one of her fingers. As the numbers pop up the screen, he gives a hiss of alarm.

"What?" Jayne asks.

Simon doesn't bother looking at the mercenary, instead plugging numbers rapidly into the chart nearby. "Her blood oxygen isn't good."

Jayne's brow furrows with confusion. "An' that means?"

"It means she isn't getting enough air due to compromised lung function. If was in a good hospital, this is when they'd be hitching her up to extra oxygen."

"Oh. That don' sound too good."

Simon glances over his shoulder, his eyebrows raised. He decides not to say anything. "It isn't."

"What're we gonna do?"

"There isn't much we can do. We don't have any oxygen cylinders, we used them all up the last time the Rim-flu went around and Russet didn't have any in the clinic. Really, we can only hope so pulls through." Simon runs his hand through his sister's messy, sweaty hair.

"So…do ya want me t' keep watchin' her, or should I go?" Jayne fidgets awkwardly. All this talk of not pulling through is mighty unsettling, and he's not sure he can handle being in the infirmary just that moment.

"You can go. I'll stay with her," Simon replies without looking up.

* * *

Simon spends the rest of the night whispering and worrying, and is near tears when Inara comes down the next morning.

"Good morning," she says, sounding surprised. "I thought Jayne was going to be with her?"

"He was, but we had an issue and I took over. She wasn't breathing well, and had a bad dream."

Inara nods solemnly. "Is there anything we can do? Anywhere we can take her?"

He shakes his head. "I've been thinking about that. Anywhere that's going to be well-supplied enough to take care of her is not going to be safe to take her to, and we're better of here than at any distant Rim-world."

She doesn't question him, and he's grateful for that. "Okay. Is there anything any of us can do?"

"Do you think Mal would be willing to turn up the humidity in here? It might make it a little easier for her to breathe. I know it's not a good use of energy, but…"

Inara silences him with a wave of her hand. "I'll go ask."

* * *

Inara floats quickly across the ship after washing her hands, looking as graceful as ever as she passes the pregnant woman sitting at the table.

"Ambassador? How's she doing?"

"Not very well. Her breathing isn't too good."

Zoë nods, her eyes somehow both hard and soft with worry.

Mal's mercifully awake when Inara knocks on his bunk's door. "Mal. Mal, it's about River."

He climbs up the ladder without saying a word, looking at her seriously. "Is she gone?"

Her face pales. She had been trying to avoid thinking about it.

Kaylee climbs up out of her bunk and freezes at the sight of them."Is somethin' wrong?"

Inara takes a deep breath. "It's River. She isn't breathing very well. Simon wants me to ask if we can turn up the humidity in the Infirmary. The air is dry, and he thinks that is making it hard to breathe."

"I can go do that," Kaylee says, starting towards the controls. She stops and turns to Mal, looking for confirmation, and he gives her a nod. The mechanic hurries off, her hair still in a sleepy disarray.

"Thank you," Inara breathes.

Mal nods again and heads down to the infirmary.

* * *

"Kaylee's adjustin' the humidity down here. Should be settin' up in jus' a sec'."

Simon glances up at him gratefully. "Thank you. That should make it much easier for her to breathe."

"Of course." He stands by the bed. "Hey, River. You've slept too ruttin' much, ya hear? Rest of us can't get an hour or two of sleep at a time, and here you are sleepin' for days. It's nearly been two days, girl. I won't have this kind of work ethic on my ship, so you gotta get up, 'kay?" He turns to Simon. "Reckon she can hear anythin'?"

"I don't know. I hope she at least knows someone is here."

They know that the humidity is engaging when the air begins to sweat. It's slightly uncomfortable for the two healthy men in the room, but River's breathing begins to even out, and that makes it all worth it.

* * *

Mal watches River for a while, and then Kaylee takes a turn, armed again with her lotion. This time she carefully applies the lotion to River's hands, hoping that it will help the girl wake up. The effort perfumes the infirmary, leaving a scent that lingers in the hours to come, but the fragile girl in the bed shows no signs of noticing.

* * *

At around noon Simon takes over, and a little later Mal stops in to check again and Simon tells him that River's fever is getting worse. They decide to turn down the humidity for a while to let her cool off. Mal goes up to do that, and Simon turns from River's bedside and nearly jumps out of skin when he notices someone standing at the River.

It's Zoë. She's watching him with her face contorted with worry, Mal's old, half-shattered cortex clutched between her hands. He watches her with confusion as she carefully types something into it and holds it to the thick glass of the window. He steps closer to the window, screwing up his dark eyes to read the typing.

_Anything I can do?_

He shakes his head gently, offering her a half-smile. She returns it.

_How's she doing?_

Simon scrambles for a piece of paper nearby, and messily scrawls back a reply. We had the humidity up too high, so her fever's up. We're working on getting it down_._

He can see her squint as she tries to read his messy doctor handwriting, and then nod with comprehension. _Captain told me._

How's the baby doing?

_Active_, she replies, placing her hand over her belly.

That's good.

_Just a might bit uncomfortable, though._

They share a smile, and Simon turns back to his sister, who's beginning to whimper and toss restlessly. He gets her settled down, and turns back to the window. Zoë's still there.

Sorry about that.

She shakes her head, silencing him. Her eyes are sad. _I wish there was something I could do to help._

If I think of anything, I'll let you know, Simon promises back in a messy explosion of ink.

_Thank you._

* * *

It's late into the evening when the Shepard comes by to pray, bringing with a mug of tea for Simon and a small metal disk for River. The disk has a hole through the middle, and intricate carvings on the surface and tiny pictures etched into the side.

Simon takes the tea from him gratefully, swallowing rapidly and nearly choking himself. The circles under his eyes are nearly as dramatic as those under his sister's. "What is it?"

The Shepard looks down at the disk in his hands. "It's from the days before I was at the abbey. Someone gave it to me as a good luck charm. I never believed much in charms, but I figure it can't do any harm." He takes River's thin, fragile hand and closes it around the disk, lying her arm back down next to her. "There you go, little one."

* * *

Mal forbade Simon from keeping watch that night, instead ordering him to check in with Zoë and the baby and then head to bed. Instead Jayne, Kaylee and Mal took shifts. The night was quite, too quiet. Kaylee brought some wires and screws and played with them, creating a complicated web around the leg of the chair, murmuring to herself. Mal had to help her untangle herself from it when it was time for her to go to bed, ruffling her messy hair.

Mal sat quietly all night, intermittently studying his own hands and the hands of the unconscious, tiny girl on the table. The pace of her shallow, ragged-sounding breathing was much too irregular for him to be lulled into a doze. He instead found himself constantly jerking into high alert, frightened for a split second that the rough, gasping noise had stopped.

Eventually he scooted the chair even closer to the bed and grabbed the girl's wrist, checking her pulse to reassure himself. He'd lost a lot of fine men and women in his years, most of them far too young and brave-stupid to even have considered the possibility of ending up in a coffin before it was too late. It was senseless and ugly, but looking at the girl on the table he couldn't think that this was even more so. The men and women that had died had a choice, and died doing what they thought was right, so different than the child before him who was dying of a meddlesome government, cheap Rim-world drugs and the filth of poverty.

At one point, something fell out of River's hand. He picked it up, recognizing it as a charm he had seen once before. It had something to do with longevity, if his memory served him. Staring thoughtfully at it, he placed it back in the girl's hand, wondering who had placed it there.

* * *

Simon came downstairs the next morning, hair disheveled and clothing crooked. For a second, Mal thought about laughing at the contrast between the young doctor who stood before him and the one who had boarded his ship those months ago. Checking himself quickly, he decided against it.

Simon checked his sister's temperature, and went to grab a damp cloth and some more medication for her lungs. "Can you get her another fluid bag?"

Mal got up to do so, getting the swollen bag out of the packing box it had arrived in. As he fumbled with the heavy material, he heard Serenity's day-functions starting back up, commenting internally that his mechanic must be up and about and reminding himself to ask her to bring the humidity back up for a spell.

As the noisy, familiar vibrations rocked the infirmary, both men heard River stir and nearly jumped out of their skin when they heard a small, hoarse voice whisper weakly from behind them. "Good morning, Serenity."


	8. Responses

**New chapter! It's a shorter one, but I'm trying to get back into things. Thank you all so much for your response, I really appreciated it.**

* * *

Simon manages to turn around first, hardly able to breathe as his dark eyes meet the tired, glazed eyes of his sister. "Mei-mei?'

Her eyes meet his tiredly. "Simon…?"

His breath comes out in a sudden shuddery burst, and he vibrates with it as he reaches for her hand. "Oh, River…"

"Captain." It doesn't sound like a question, and Mal realizes that she knows he is there without seeing him.

"I'm here, darlin'." He comes to stand by the bed. "You gave us all a bit o' a scare. Glad to see you."

"Slept too long. Was gonna get in trouble…" She frowns up at him, and he smiles in response.

"I was just teasin'. I jus' wanted you to geddup. We were worried."

She nods, and turns back to her brother. "Cold. Tired. You said it would help. Don't want any more, didn't help."

"I know, mei-mei, and I'm sorry, but it'll be okay. You're very sick, and you need to keep resting, but it'll be okay."

"Elevated body temperature."

"Yes, that's right." He glances towards Mal significantly. "If it's okay, I'd like to give you some more fever reducers."

"Will make her sleepy…"

"Yes, they will. It'll be alright though, we'll be right here when you wake back up."

She frowns, and reaches for her brother's face. Her arm gets tangled up in the tubes, and she shakes feebly. Simon untangles her patiently, and Mal gets the fever reducer.

He's gentle. She whines slightly as she feels the needle, but doesn't fight. Mal disposes of the needle in the sharps bucket.

"Ge-ge…I saw father and…"

"It was just a dream, River. We're home. We're safe now."

"…he was so mad, Simon, he was so mad, he wouldn't let her out." Her eyes fill with tears. "He put her away, I just wanted out! He gave me to them!"

"You're out. You're out, and you'll never go back to there." He takes her face between his hands. "Never, ever, ever. I promise. Everyone promises."

"It was so white and…and you were blue, blue-silver like forever and…" she peers up at him between increasingly heavy eyelids. "You're still blue."

"Is that nice?"

"Father was blue when he hated me." Her eyes narrow, and her face twists into a strange expression.

"He didn't hate you, River. He never hated you. He just didn't understand you. But that doesn't make what happened okay." Simon tries to redirect her attention. "Do you like it when I'm blue?"

She nods sleepily. "And you're brown," she whispers to Mal.

"Brown?" He thinks to himself for a moment. "Seems fittin'. I like it."

She smiles up at them both, and then her eyes slide back shut and she's asleep.

* * *

Simon rarely enters the engine room, something that Kaylee has never really understood, so she's surprised when she hears his footsteps and his knock on the edge of the metal frame around the door. "Kaylee?"

"Simon!" she says, turning from the exposed wire she had been fiddling with, a couple of Serenity's bolts in one fist. She's startled, and he hands clench as she feels herself worry. "Is somethin' happenin'?"

He smiles at her. It's the first real smile she's seen on his face in days. His eyes are tired, but he looks different, somehow younger now that the lines in his face have relaxed. "River woke up."

Kaylee drops the bolts with a clang, stooping to pick them back up. Simon crouches down next to her, scooping up one that fell near his shoe. "Thanks." Setting the bolts safely into a nearby bin, she turns back to look at him, her face grease-smeared and hopeful. "She was really awake?"

"Yes. Not for very long, she was tired and needed to go back to sleep. But she spoke to me and Mal. And she wished Serenity good morning."

Kaylee smiles at that. "Can I go an' see 'er?"

Simon cocks his head to the side slightly, in a manner just like his sister's. "I think we should wait for a little bit, and give her some time to sleep. I think she'd like to see you in a couple hours though."

Kaylee nods, wiping her hands absently on her cover-alls. "I'll go an' do that. Do you think she's gonna be okay?"

"She's still very sick, but I think with time she'll be able to get better."

"I'm gonna go an' tell 'Nara. I think she'd be glad to know." Kaylee wipes off some more grease on a nearby rag and yanks the coveralls off to reveal the old, patched pants below, the patches a mix of her own crooked stitches and the neater ones where Inara clearly intervened. She stops, and gives Simon a careful hug, which he returns gratefully.

* * *

The mood is lighter at the breakfast that day than it has been since River got sick. Simon requests visitations be staggered and wait for a while, but even that warning can't dampen the mood.

"Do you think there's still a risk of her being contagious?" Inara asks gently.

"I think that should be passed or just about to pass. I would like to continue assuming she's contagious for another day, but I think we don't have to be quite so worried about the spread of the disease." Simon catches Wash's eye and nods slightly, and the pilot nods back at him, smiling.

"What are you going to do about her medication?" Zoë asks.

"It's not any good," the Shepard says almost aggressively. "It didn't help."

"I took her off it, and I don't plan on putting her back on it. It didn't help, and she's not unhappy on the old medication. We're going to keep her on that until we come up with something better."

"Would rather have her stabbin' at me than pukin' on me," Jayne says suddenly. "A little crazy keeps us all sane."

* * *

Kaylee's down in the Infirmary a few hours after breakfast, closing the door behind her. River seems asleep, and she sighs to herself, disappointed, as she goes to stand by the side of the bed.

"Why are you cloudy?"

"River?" Kaylee's heart leaps in her throat. "Oh, River, hey you. How're you doin'?"

"You aren't cloudy now." River peaks at her between half-shut eyelids.

"How are you feelin'?"

"River's gone dry. Hot, hot, hot and dry. She had a funny dream. Sunbeam came with strawberries. Smelt like red-pink, red-pink."

Kaylee sits down in the chair, smiling. "Yeah, did you like it?"

River nods. "Worried."

"What're you worried 'bout?"

"She's not worried." River's eyes roam around the Infirmary. "But worried people came. Silver-scared, brown-worried, cotton-candy nervous. Butterflies with fluttery wings. The bug was quiet when it sings. Ape won't say so, but he was too." Her dark eyes find the medicine cabinet. "He said it would make it better. Doesn't want any more. Didn't do any good."

Kaylee wrinkles her forehead. "Yeah, we were worried 'bout you. Still are." She follows River's eyes. "Simon isn't givin' you any of that medicine. It wasn't any good. He got you off when you started gettin' real sick."

"She'll be Moonbrain and they'll be mad."

"River, sweetie, you bein' sick like that wasn't worth it. We'd rather you smash all the crackers and hide all the spoons." She catches River's eye. "But don't do that again. That made soup night real hard." River giggles, and Kaylee's heart does a funny dance at the sound. "He said he'll just give you the old stuff, I don' right know what he called it. Said you were doin' jus' fine as you were, we'll look for somethin' better later on. It's better that you be you," she finishes.

"River's will flow wherever they go. Dam it and stop it, won't work in the end. They learned that before, Earth-That-Was. The River will always come home."

Kaylee ruffles her hair. "I know, mei-mei. I know."


	9. Recovery

**Sorry about the delay! I've been traveling, and haven't had the internet I thought I would.**

**Next chapter should be the last chapter.**

**Let me know what you think!**

* * *

Inara's after Kaylee, fluttering downstairs in a ribbon of cloth and worry, reaching for the girl on the bed, grabbing her hand. "River?"

River peeks up at her, half-asleep. "Remember you."

Inara collapses down in a heap, sighing with relief. "I'm glad. Oh, mei-mei, I'm so glad." She pulls River up in a hug, rocking her back and forth.

"You don't have to cry," River whispers into her ear.

Inara nods, biting her lip.

"But it's okay if you do. Don't mind."

"Thank you, River. But it's alright. I'll be fine. I was just so worried."

"She went asleep. Went…went walking, but there was an earthquake and she was asleep…"

"I know, I know. But it's okay."

* * *

River falls asleep soon after, and sleeps for the rest of the day, waking up once during the night when Simon gives her a bag of fluids.

"Ge-ge?"

"Hey, mei-mei. How are you doing?"

"Thirsty. Dry."

Simon grabs a cup and fills it with water, helping her upright to drink from it. "Here. Take it slow."

They sit on the bed together, she leans into his shoulder and he wraps his arm around her and sways them back and forth like she's a baby again.

"Inara and Kaylee came to see you, right? Was that fun?"

"Came downstairs like stormclouds, was going to rain but they…" she blinks up at him, her eyes wide. "The sun came out…"

"Yes."

"They all came…when she was asleep. All came, but then…dinosaur and warrior…they couldn't come. Entry not advised."

"We didn't want Zoë to get sick with the baby. But it's okay, the-"

"The baby is fine," she finishes for him. "Happy and warm."

"She should be here soon. A month, maybe."

"Isn't time yet," River replies, certain. He nods, knowing better to challenge her.

"Will you tell me when it is?"

"Yes. Sleepy."

"Okay." Simon stands up. "You should get some sleep then. I think other people want to come see you tomorrow, is that okay?"

River nods, her eyes already slipping closed. "Kaylee wants to have a picnic…" She giggles and reaches up, grabbing her brother's hand. "You can come, if you want, but you have to bring something."

Simon sighs, smiling. "You know I can't cook, mei-mei. Not anything worth eating, anyway"

"She'll help you…Kaylee…or Inara…or…" her eyes flutter shut, and she struggles to open them. "I'm right here."

His voice shakes a little as he replies, his mind wandering to all the times he had nearly lost her. "I know. And I'm very happy."

"We're here."

Simon squeezes her hand. "And we're not going anywhere."

* * *

River keeps her promise and shows Inara how to draw the butterfly, painting it with fine make-up onto Inara's cheek. Kaylee coos over it until River finally laughs and paints a rainbow on Kaylee's cheek. Mal asks if River's starting a business and isn't quite quick enough to avoid getting a smiley face dabbed on his.

"Hey, now! What was that for?"

"Mean old man," River said back, laughing through her still-weak lungs. "Now with smiley face."

"Gorrammit, I look like a child at a fair…"

"Naw, Cap'n," Kaylee laughs. "It's cute. I think it suits you."

Jayne walks by and laughs from the doorway.

* * *

Wash comes in later and hugs her hard. River's afraid for a second that he's trying to press her into him, eating them both. "It's good to have you back, mei-mei."

He helps her up off the bed and lets her stand on his feet, holding her weak body up and slowly pivoting in circles, dancing. Zoë stands outside the airlock and claps her hands, swaying back and forth to the imaginary music until she's told off with a quick internal kick to the ribs.

"Your daughter wants to dance," River whispers up to Wash. "How are your dinosaurs?"

"Good. When you're up next, I'll let you be the T-Rex. How does that sound?"

She nods, and then sways, nearly falling, and he has to help her back into bed. Even then she makes a vague attempt at her usual graceful curtsey. "Thank you for the dance."

He bows back to her. "The pleasure was mine."

* * *

The Shepard reads her stories from his book in a section called Revelations as she settles down to bed, a bowl of oatmeal sitting between them. River's explaining to him what the different bits mean symbolically, and he's nodding and giving his own opinions, stopping occasionally to ask her to take a bite.

Seven bites and twenty pages later, she's almost asleep. "Goodnight, River."

"When do you want it back?" she whispers.

"What? Oh, the medallion. Why don't you hang on to that for awhile?"

"Pirate treasure," she whispers teasingly. "But you're not a pirate."

"No? What do you think I am?"

"A grandpa." She catches his facial expression. "Not yet, but soon. Simon says it's soon. We never met our grandpa. Family's all gone, can't go back…"

"I think you found a new one. And I know that doesn't make it better, but I hope you know how loved you are, River."

"She knows." River opens her hand, looking at the charm that she's kept clenched in it. "She knows."


	10. Immunity

**This is the last chapter! I'll be moving on to something else Firefly-ish soon, so keep an eye out!**

Mal plods his way down the stairs towards the passenger area, allowing his footfalls to announce is presence. Tapping on the door covered in sketches of butterflies and dinosaurs and other portraits, he waited for a response. None came, and he nodded to himself and plodded back upstairs.

"Hey Cap'n!" Kaylee beams at him from the kitchen, her face covered with flour. "You wanna help make some cookies?"

Mal shakes his head. "I'm headin' up to the Bridge. Don't think Wash would take kindly to that." He turned slightly and noticed River perching on the counter. She's still pale and horribly thin, but it's the first time she's been about in a while. "There's our girl. How are you doin'?"

River glances up at him, smiling slightly. She's having a good day, and he can see that she's working something in her mouth.

"What, you don't wanna talk to your Captain?" The girl sticks her tongue out at him, and he sees that it is candy-striped blue and green. "Oh, I see. You've got treasure and you're not sharin'."

He hears a slight laugh and turns to Inara who's busy with another bowl of future cookies.

"Well, I must say, I'm quite put out by this show of unfairness. What a selfish crew I have." He's smiling, ruffling Kaylee's hair, and turns to head to the bridge. Just before the stairs, he reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a piece of wrapped candy. He gets just a second to raise his eyebrows in surprise before River's giggle finds its way into his ear.

"Gorram sneaky girl."

* * *

They hold the picnic down in the cargo area. Blankets are strewn on the floor and a couple pillows are tossed in convenient spots and suddenly everything seems cozy despite the cold metal surrounding everything.

Jayne, being his usual kind self, tests the cookies for them by shoving three in his mouth. Spraying crumbs, he gives the cookies a positive review. Wash whumps him over the head while Inara roles her eyes.

It's a lovely picnic, but within an hour everyone can see that River still not quite well. She's still picking at her portion of the eggs, leaning against Zoë's shoulder for support.

Simon frowns, trying to think of a way to get some of the food into his sister's mouth. "River, do you want some oatmeal?"

"She isn't particularly hungry," his sister responds. She pauses. "I ate a bite of would-chicken."

"What about some tea?" Kaylee offers sweetly, pouring some of the tea into River's favorite cup.

"Can I have an apple for later?" River asks.

Shepard sees to it that she gets two.

* * *

They sit back and watch as Jayne takes to competing with himself on how much oatmeal he can get into his mouth in one go. The cookies have all but disappeared, and everyone else takes to patting or rubbing their stomachs contentedly.

Wash grabs the last cookie, holding it secretively. "Hey, River. Look at the butterfly!"

There is no butterfly, and River turns to him, her mouth half open in what looks to be indignation that turns to surprise as he pokes the cookie into her mouth. She covers her mouth with her hand and laughs with her mouth full, everyone else joining in with the laughter. "Not very ladylike," she mumbles, quoting her mother.

"Do we seem like the sort to care?" Wash replies, stealing a piece of her candy pile and almost managing to duck from the resulting pillow toss.

* * *

The picnic wraps up. Shepard helps Kaylee and Simon with the dishes while Jayne makes himself conveniently busy elsewhere. Mal starts to grab the blankets, then snorts with amusement as he notices the small form sleeping in the middle. Stooping, he carefully picks her up and carries her into her room.

"Get some sleep, River-girl. We'll be here."

He arranges her apples next to the bed and moves to leave the room. Just as he is cracking the door shut, he hears the small voice whisper "Me too, Captain-man," and smiles as he heads upstairs.


End file.
